Stepdad cuts off 27-year-old stepson because he only talks to him to ask for money: 'He's a a full-grown man with a job and a wife.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 17, 2026 11:00 AM EDT

He has been his stepson's dad his whole life, but his stepson has made it clear that he doesn't value having a close, emotional relationship with him.

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  • Man in black crew neck t-shirt wearing black backpack
    via João Reguengos

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for cutting off my son after his mom passed away?

    I have been my son's dad since he was one. He is twenty seven now. I was friends with his mom for years before she got pregnant and the biodad took off.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I was around helping her with stuff and one thing lead to another and we got together.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • It wasn't really planned or anything it just happened. Her and I cared for each other deeply but it wasn't some huge romantic story.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • We were a partnership. We got married when Mark was three and I adopted him when he was five.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Tammy took care of Mark, me, and my house. I worked and paid for everything. It was a good life.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I had never wanted kids but I loved Mark and gave home everything I could. Not just material goods.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I was there for him growing up. I attended all his extracurricular activities that I could.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • boys in red and blue soccer jerseys kicking soccer ball on green grass field during daytime
    via Debra Brewster

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I taught him how to ride a bike and how to change his oil. We took him my on vacations.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I made sure that when he graduated from university he was debt free. He was always a good kid.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • University changed him. He became distant. He would call to talk to his mom but not me.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • It turns out he met a girl who had been adopted and she had baggage she decided to share with him.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • He had contacted his biological father and I was being displaced. Mark was everything to Tammy and she supported him in everything.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • As his mom | would expect no less. But it still hurt to be cut out of his life.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • When Tammy got sick mark and I would see each other when he came to see her but we would barely talk.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • When she passed away I saw him at the funeral and then only heard from him to settle her estate.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Businessman and lawyer discuss a contract
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Which was not much. She had a very small life insurance policy that she left Mark.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Everything else was mine. Her bank account only had the money we budgeted for her. There wasn't much in it because she had been subsidizing Mark's life since he graduated.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Like clockwork every month I would deposit her share of our budget and most of it went to him.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Tammy and I had a separate life insurance policy that we set up. It was more substantial than the other one.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • We originally set them up in case anything happened to us the other could have money to live and take care of Mark.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I was the beneficiary since I was paying for it. Now that his mom is gone and not helping pay his bills Mark is calling me for help.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I said no. I said he had the money from his mom's life insurance. Everything else is quite literally mine.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Even the car she drove was leased by me. He is upset with me and said that I obviously had never thought of him as a son if I was willing to do this.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I told him to ask his biodad for help since that's who he wanted in his life.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • His wife, Sarah, the girl from university called me and said that I would be cut out of their lives and that I would never see my grandchildren.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • They don't have kids yet but I suppose they are planning on a family. I told her that I was okay with that.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • And I am. I miss Tammy but I'm okay. I have my dogs and my job.
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • I see my sisters and their kids and grandkids. I'm involved in their lives. So am I the a hole for cutting off financial support to a full grown man with a job and a wife?
    via u/Unlucky-Bit6839
  • Puzzled-Award-2236 No. Think about it 'we will love you if you give us money and hate you if you don't'. Who needs conditional 'love' like that? Let them go. It's none of their biz how much money you have or received.
    via u/Puzzled-Award-2236
  • Acceptable-Expert 175 NTA, sorry for the loss of your wife.
    via u/Acceptable-Expert175
  • Aggressive_Pop9479 He'd cut you out a long time ago.
    via u/Aggressive_Pop9479
  • jahubb062 I can understand Mark wanting to know his bio dad. But he could have done that while still maintaining a relationship with the dad who raised him. It didn't have to be a mutually exclusive thing. If all he wants is financial help, you're not wrong to tell him to ask bio dad for that. Mark is an adult. If he's old enough to be married, he's too old to expect an allowance.
    via u/jahubb062
  • TeacupCollector2011 I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. NTA. He has a lot of nerve making that remark about you never thinking about him as a son. He obviously never thought of you as a father either if he was so willing to start ignoring you once biodad came back into the picture. It's good that you have other family members. Situations like this are sad, but you need to live your life for you now.
    via u/TeacupCollector2011
  • RedheadedChaos 1102 He's a grown a man now and needs to face the consequences of his actions. NTA.. it clear he doesn't view you as a father but a bank account
    via u/RedheadedChaos1102
  • Several-Network-3776 No it's clear be only saw his mom as an atm and he thought he could use you too.
    via u/Several-Network-3776
  • Potential_Ad_1397 My response to the wife would have been "didn't you two already do that?" NTA This relationship was created by him. It does seem like Mark used his mother as an ATM
    via u/Potential_Ad_1397

  • I hate to see adults downplay the importance of their relationship with the children in their lives. I'm not talking about a random family member a kid sees once or twice a year: I'm talking about grown-ups who actively take a parental role in their stepkids' lives and don't fully accept the responsibility that entails. They try to use adult terms to justify why they don't care enough about their stepchildren, claiming that because they're not biologically related to them, they don't have an obligation to care for them. Sure, they might not have a legal obligation to pay for the life of a child they didn't mother or father, but they have an emotional obligation to fulfill the role of "parent" to a child who sees them as one. 

    The dad in this story is no such stepparent. He has done everything he could to show his stepson that he sees him as a son, but his son has not reciprocated. He has ignored him for the past 9 years, and now he only wants to speak with him to get money. I hate to blame the state of this 27-year-old on his late mother, but she has enabled his bad financial behavior for years, and now that she's gone, there's nobody left who is willing to do that. Who knows if he only chose to have a relationship with his mom because she gave him money, but it's clear that his relationship with his stepdad is pretty superficial these days. It might be possible for them to repair their relationship down the road, but it would take a lot of reflection on the stepson's part, and I'm unsure if he'd be willing to admit that he was wrong.

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inheritance adoption parenting dad estate stepdad no contact adult children money stepson
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